he’s a happy puppy
This scene right there gave such an unrealisitc expection about how easy it is to alppy make-up
And the part in reflection gave me an unrealistic expectation of how easy it was to take off makeup
My older cat got sick of my kitten trying to play with him so he pinned him down and licked him until he fell asleep
Going to McDonald’s to buy a salad is like hiring a prostitute just to cuddle.
I wish i could make you into a coat, but a living coat not a dead coat
I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.
"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"
This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.
I want this tattooed on my lower back
whenever a friend tells me another friend’s business i be like “omg tell me everything!! details!!” cuz i’m nosy but in my mind i be like “hmmm okay i can’t trust this hoe….”
"that boy is really cute" "wait cara arent you a lesbian how can you tell" you know what. youre right. i forgot to put on my HomoSpecs™, which allow me to view all men as grayish blurry blobs. Is that jeremy?? i can’t even tell now that i’m wearing my HomoSpecs™. all men look like the same unattractive indistinguishable gray haze to me because i am homosexual
jesus, take the wheel. now put it in first - no, put the clutch in and - jesus, what the fuck, you said you could drive stick